they vs. he or she

Problem:

English lacks third-person singular personal pronouns that can be applied to a person without implying gender. We have he, she, it, her, him, his, hers, its, herself, and himself. Thus, when we want to refer to an individual in the abstract without assigning a gender to him or her, we’re stuck with awkward, wordy constructions like him or her, which sound bad and call attention to themselves.

In the past, writers used the male pronouns for this purpose, but this usage is no longer acceptable—which, for grammar, creates a difficult problem.

Reflexive pronouns are particularly problematic. For example, for the sentence,

The patient must be able to take care of himself or herself,

there are a few alternatives:

The patient must be able to take care of himself.

The patient must be able to take care of herself.

The patient must be able to take care of herself or himself.

The patient must be able to take care of themselves.

But there are problems with each of these options. The first two are gender biased, the third and the original are clunky, and the last one uses a plural pronoun to refer to an individual.

Possible solutions:

One solution is to always use the female pronouns, or to alternate female pronouns with male pronouns. This works in many cases, but it still calls attention to itself, and it can create unintended connotations.

Another solution is to use the nonexistent word themself for reflexive pronouns. Spell-checkers will catch it, and it contains an internal contradiction (them is plural, and self is singular), but many writers hope it will catch on.

Finally, you can reword the sentence to eliminate the problem. For example, the writer could reword the above sentence this way:

The patient must be capable of self-care.

Or:

Patients much be able to take care of themselves.

Grammarist’s opinion:

a)  When a sentence calls for a gender-neutral singular reflexive pronoun, reword (see #4). When rewording is impossible, use either himself or herself, and try to make up for the imbalance elsewhere in the text.

b)  For other gender-neutral singular pronouns, it’s sometimes acceptable to use they, them, and their. Yes, these are plural pronouns, they alter any verbs that follow, and grammarians are probably going to put up a fight for some time; but this usage is already widespread, and it is a practical solution to a difficult problem.

Thus, rather than using he or she, him or her, or his or her, we endorse these usages:

Any individual who thinks they can perform the job should fill out an application.

If anyone calls, tell them I’m out.

These days, everyone has their own website.

While these usages are acceptable, it’s still better to use he or she, him or her, or his or her where they aren’t too clunky and don’t call attention to themselves, or where the alternative would be confusing.